Archbishop Criticises Coalition

The Archbishop of Canterbury this week spoke to Nuse International to criticise the Coalition Government – attacking the very heart of its ethos.

“It makes no sense,” he said. “We had God the Father and the Son but what’s all this Holy Ghost nonsense? A shadowy figure on the edge of mainstream religion with no mandate to influence church policy, that’s what!”

The Archbishop then turned his attention to politics.

“And why are the government trying to muscle in on what’s traditionally been the Church’s territory? What’s all this Big Society ‘be good to thy neighbour’ nonsense? The whole idea of charity is that people try to help each other for good, not just to save the government money!

“I tell you, it was bad enough when the establishment started with all that CCTV nonsense and with monitoring emails and communications so that every single thing was watched and recorded in case people were ‘sinning’. Guilt and fear is the domain of the church – it’s traditional! Have we ever tried to influence political direction or wars?”

David Cameron reacted by saying that he was very happy that the church felt it was able to express political opinions, even though he disagreed with them entirely, and that he thought it did a good job in society whilst providing people with a source of faith and hope. “Nonetheless,” he suggested, “in these times of austerity, and as a part of our relentless program of the destruction of everything about British society, I think it might be prudent to consider closing down some underused churches…”

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BBC Lambasted for Not Broadcasting the C Word

The BBC has been lambasted after Sandy Toksvig did not use an offensive word on The News Quiz on Radio 4 last October. Specifically, Miss Toksvig quipped that, “It’s the Tories who have put the n into cuts,” in reference to cuts in child benefit.

Many MPs and campaigners are seemingly furious, claiming that the use of the phrase carries connotations of sexual abuse, whilst apparently remaining unconcerned about the actual abuse of children resultant from their policies.

John Whittingdale, chairman of the Commons Culture, Media and Sport select committee, which has been responsible for a huge bunch of cuts, said, “The vast majority of people still regard this an offensive term,” possibly in reference to his government’s term in office. We weren’t really paying attention, to be honest.

The original complaint was made by Colin Harrow, a retired newspaper executive, who oversaw massive cuts during his time at Mirror Group Newspapers. Mr Harrow, who was group managing editor during the era when The Mirror published fake photos of soldiers torturing Iraqi prisoners, said that he felt the reference was unacceptable and that the BBC wasn’t living up to the expectations of its audience.

The story has been run in the press by The Mail on Sunday, who regularly bash the BBC and love to be outraged and scandalised by absolutely anything. Mail Online has been filled with ill-informed reactions indicating utter hypocrisy and a basic failure to read the story properly. Like always. Mail Group newspapers, incidentally, have been subjected to relentless cuts over the last few years.

In unrelated news, the BBC have announced that Danish-born Sandy Toksvig is to present a series of programmes on her homeland, beginning with a documentary on King Cnut. As a Danish prince, Cnut won the throne of England in 1016, since which time there have been many generations of Cnuts on these shores.