Archbishop Criticises Coalition

The Archbishop of Canterbury this week spoke to Nuse International to criticise the Coalition Government – attacking the very heart of its ethos.

“It makes no sense,” he said. “We had God the Father and the Son but what’s all this Holy Ghost nonsense? A shadowy figure on the edge of mainstream religion with no mandate to influence church policy, that’s what!”

The Archbishop then turned his attention to politics.

“And why are the government trying to muscle in on what’s traditionally been the Church’s territory? What’s all this Big Society ‘be good to thy neighbour’ nonsense? The whole idea of charity is that people try to help each other for good, not just to save the government money!

“I tell you, it was bad enough when the establishment started with all that CCTV nonsense and with monitoring emails and communications so that every single thing was watched and recorded in case people were ‘sinning’. Guilt and fear is the domain of the church – it’s traditional! Have we ever tried to influence political direction or wars?”

David Cameron reacted by saying that he was very happy that the church felt it was able to express political opinions, even though he disagreed with them entirely, and that he thought it did a good job in society whilst providing people with a source of faith and hope. “Nonetheless,” he suggested, “in these times of austerity, and as a part of our relentless program of the destruction of everything about British society, I think it might be prudent to consider closing down some underused churches…”

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