Journalist Arrested Over Police Corruption

Detectives from the Metropolitan Police today arrested a 48-year-old News International journalist in connection with claims that he had bribed members of the Metropolitan Police.

“It’s been a tough investigation,” one officer told this Nuse reporter at lunchtime today in exchange for a pie and a pint in the Bobby’s Helmet. “First we went back through our files with no luck and then we looked over hours of CCTV footage, also to no avail. Eventually somebody had the bright idea of looking at the name on the cheques and then we were away. Fortunately we already knew exactly what he looked like.”

The arrested man was taken to a west London police station for a reunion. Bail is expected to be posted later in a plain brown envelope stuffed with used banknotes.


Undercovers Policing

The Home Office has announced that undercover police officers can have sex with suspects if it makes them more plausible. This has raised some interesting questions. Initially it was feared that it might reduce the number of bobbies active on the beat, but Bernard Hogan-Howe, the Metropolitan police chief, was quick to put paid to this concern.

‘If anything, I think this is going to increase the number of police officers out pounding the turf,’ he said in an exclusive interview with this Nuse reporter earlier today. ‘Moreover, I think that it’s great that we’ve increased the scope of what is permitted to be taken down and used in evidence.’

Activists and protesters who had been targeted in this way were most unhappy. One feminist, vegetarian, animal-rights supporter who we spoke to was clearly incensed by the news:

‘We’re not going to take this lying down,’ she said. However, when pressed further, she was not forthcoming on precisely what position her members would take.

A Crown Prosecution Service spokesperson told us, ‘It is a sad truth that those charged with illicit behaviour rarely come clean, and so it becomes necessary for the intelligence services to engage in subterfuge in order to gather hard evidence which will stand up in court. Obviously, it is vital for those embedded agents to keep their heads down, in case they blow their cover. The best advice we might offer would be for hardened criminals to always retain their briefs and hope not to be convicted on scanty evidence.’