BBC Lambasted for Not Broadcasting the C Word

The BBC has been lambasted after Sandy Toksvig did not use an offensive word on The News Quiz on Radio 4 last October. Specifically, Miss Toksvig quipped that, “It’s the Tories who have put the n into cuts,” in reference to cuts in child benefit.

Many MPs and campaigners are seemingly furious, claiming that the use of the phrase carries connotations of sexual abuse, whilst apparently remaining unconcerned about the actual abuse of children resultant from their policies.

John Whittingdale, chairman of the Commons Culture, Media and Sport select committee, which has been responsible for a huge bunch of cuts, said, “The vast majority of people still regard this an offensive term,” possibly in reference to his government’s term in office. We weren’t really paying attention, to be honest.

The original complaint was made by Colin Harrow, a retired newspaper executive, who oversaw massive cuts during his time at Mirror Group Newspapers. Mr Harrow, who was group managing editor during the era when The Mirror published fake photos of soldiers torturing Iraqi prisoners, said that he felt the reference was unacceptable and that the BBC wasn’t living up to the expectations of its audience.

The story has been run in the press by The Mail on Sunday, who regularly bash the BBC and love to be outraged and scandalised by absolutely anything. Mail Online has been filled with ill-informed reactions indicating utter hypocrisy and a basic failure to read the story properly. Like always. Mail Group newspapers, incidentally, have been subjected to relentless cuts over the last few years.

In unrelated news, the BBC have announced that Danish-born Sandy Toksvig is to present a series of programmes on her homeland, beginning with a documentary on King Cnut. As a Danish prince, Cnut won the throne of England in 1016, since which time there have been many generations of Cnuts on these shores.

eXcavation Factor

An archaeological dig in Mexico has revealed surprising though somewhat predictable evidence regarding the collapse of the ancient Mayan civilisation. Researchers were initially surprised and then increasingly alarmed at what their excavations gradually exposed. This Nuse reporter took a flight out to speak with the team.

“We were digging in an undisturbed site where nothing has grown on the barren landscape in human memory,” said Doug Daily, the chief archaeologist. “We tried to speak to the locals before we began but we couldn’t find them. There simply weren’t any. It was as if some tribal herd-instinct had stopped people from going anywhere near. We couldn’t even find anyone who would acknowledge the existence of the area where we wanted to explore.”

He paused, a haunted look crossing his face, and then continued. “Our initial evidence from satellite photographic images suggested that some kind of a ring had sunk into the earth here and that the desert had simply closed over it. It took many weeks of painstaking scraping before we revealed a massive submerged arena containing tiered rows of hundreds of seats set facing a raised dais, upon which we found a stone desk with four chairs at one side and, on the other, a single podium.”

Rowan Danround, Professor of History Repeating Itself at Peterborough Polyversity, continued the story in a subdued tone. “Early analysis of the skeletal evidence indicates that the audience was jam-packed with humanoids with rather unusual skull abnormalities, suggestive of intense inbreeding and associated brain malformation. The stage, meanwhile, gave up five very badly burnt figures attired in layers of superficially attractive chains and jewellery which, under closer examination, turned out just to be worthless shiny tat.” He shrugged. “We tried to find geological causes for the travesty that occurred here but there is nothing. It seems likely that some kind of contest or trial was in progress when the Earth, with an unprecedented and almost inconceivable violence seemingly directed with pure malevolence at the very life forms she had given birth to, just opened up and swallowed the whole spectacle.”

He turned to the storm-darkening skies above and his voice lowered to a whisper. “We also found some stone tablets with ornate carvings upon them.” His eyes set upon me in a fixed stare and a mask of terror drew across his face. “Intricate markings, they were, formulaic and repetitive. It looked like… like music, I tell you. Music!”