BBC Lambasted for Not Broadcasting the C Word

The BBC has been lambasted after Sandy Toksvig did not use an offensive word on The News Quiz on Radio 4 last October. Specifically, Miss Toksvig quipped that, “It’s the Tories who have put the n into cuts,” in reference to cuts in child benefit.

Many MPs and campaigners are seemingly furious, claiming that the use of the phrase carries connotations of sexual abuse, whilst apparently remaining unconcerned about the actual abuse of children resultant from their policies.

John Whittingdale, chairman of the Commons Culture, Media and Sport select committee, which has been responsible for a huge bunch of cuts, said, “The vast majority of people still regard this an offensive term,” possibly in reference to his government’s term in office. We weren’t really paying attention, to be honest.

The original complaint was made by Colin Harrow, a retired newspaper executive, who oversaw massive cuts during his time at Mirror Group Newspapers. Mr Harrow, who was group managing editor during the era when The Mirror published fake photos of soldiers torturing Iraqi prisoners, said that he felt the reference was unacceptable and that the BBC wasn’t living up to the expectations of its audience.

The story has been run in the press by The Mail on Sunday, who regularly bash the BBC and love to be outraged and scandalised by absolutely anything. Mail Online has been filled with ill-informed reactions indicating utter hypocrisy and a basic failure to read the story properly. Like always. Mail Group newspapers, incidentally, have been subjected to relentless cuts over the last few years.

In unrelated news, the BBC have announced that Danish-born Sandy Toksvig is to present a series of programmes on her homeland, beginning with a documentary on King Cnut. As a Danish prince, Cnut won the throne of England in 1016, since which time there have been many generations of Cnuts on these shores.

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Nick Clegg’s Not-So-Secret Identity

The Liberal Democrats have demanded an official investigation into reports that an adviser to Home Secretary Theresa May called Nick Clegg a wanker after the deputy PM criticised May over ‘snoopers’ charter’ comments. The Home Office’s most senior civil servant will now conduct a detailed enquiry to establish precisely who made the alleged comment and whether it broke the code of conduct for special advisers.

“It’s all rather difficult,” an unnamed source told this Nuse reporter earlier at the weekend, “because we’re not even sure what the charge would be: it most certainly doesn’t appear to have been a misrepresentation of the truth – far from it – so we’re not sure what code might have been breached. I mean, naturally there are certain matters of state that need to be treated with the utmost discretion, which is why we all have to sign the Official Secrets Act, but it’d be a bit of a stretch to cite that document over information which is so obviously already in the public domain…”

XXX Factor No Longer What It Was

News reaches us today that producers of pornographic films are asking for their work to be reclassified by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC).

“Put simply,” an industry insider told us today, “the letter X no longer seems to give people the idea of something exceptional, extreme or dangerous. It’s as though the very essence of its sense has been somehow cheapened. We’re at a loss to explain it.”

Apparently sales of X rated films have been in steady decline since 2004, although pornographers are confounded as to why. This Nuse reporter spoke to a BBFC representative to try to get a feel for the mood of the market.

“Well,” said Miss Honor Eposition, “we have some sympathy for this request, to be honest, because the letter X, which used to suggest something a bit saucy, now seems to be associated with utter mundanity. Indeed, since the launch of certain contemporary television programmes, the letter X seems to just suggest something bland, mundane and passionless in most people’s minds – the concept of mere paid actors who are just going through the motions without actually feeling anything. With a sound-track dubbed on afterwards…” She hesitated for a moment.

“Actually, maybe we’ll just leave things the way they are.”